He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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