I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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