my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
