You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
