HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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