i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
