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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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