Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
