Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
