I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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