marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
