U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
