Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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