saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
