whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
