Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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