hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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