Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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