my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
