i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fuck appropriateness.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
