I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i now understand why vodka
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
