Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
