it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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