i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
