Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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