I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
