Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
