i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
