How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
