i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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