Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You can't motorboat a personality
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
