Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
