On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
