either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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