Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dicks are not precious.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
