the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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