Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
tell me about the fingering
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
