bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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