I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
