WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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