The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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