i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
