After last night, I could never be a politician.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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