the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
