actually, I'm a sock model
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
pray to the hookup gods
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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