take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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