You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
