I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are these your boobs on my camera?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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