My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
