My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
