Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
